Off to Work.Posted: 2013/09/02
It’s clear I am not one to shy away from honesty, and I won’t begin now. I was awake at 4 am last Monday morning and out of the door by 5 to be at work at 6. My first day I was gone for 11-hours, and was it a day. As I sat on the subway with just my tools, I felt free. I felt like I had somehow transformed into my old self, going about my day pre Harlow Jude. I walked into work and problems had already arisen; I was forced to make creative decisions, but also technical ones, ones that would keep an installation floating in the air without falling for three months. It felt incredible to have to make decisions, to be creative and to get to interact with adults, not discussing babies, and having the opportunity to move freely without a baby attached to me. I didn’t long to be home nor was I sad that I had left. Then 10 o’clock rolled around and I received this picture from Jacob with a text that read, “Has she ever cried for more than an hour straight with you!?”
My heart sank, she had never cried for more than two-minutes with me. I called Jacob immediately. The rest of the day I stared at my phone anticipating a phone call that I needed to come home now. By noon, Jacob had sent me this picture with the text reading, “We’re doing better, don’t worry about us. I love you. I’m sorry to have worried you this morning.”
Harlow Jude cried for six hours off and on that day, and by the sixth hour she finally gave in and took her bottle. It was smooth sailing from then on out. The next day she didn’t cry once with him.
I was home Wednesday and Jacob was at work. I felt awkward being home, and was a bit off that day. I love working, I mean it’s disgusting how much I love it; when I first moved to New York I worked over twelve hours per day for nearly thirty days straight and didn’t mind one bit. Now that my freelance project with the wedding is over and this freelance project with Coach is over, I feel kind of empty and lost again in regard to work. But at some point that Wednesday, as Harlow Jude and I smiled at one another, I knew that home is where I am meant to be. I shocked myself later that evening when I told Jacob that I want to be home until Harlow Jude is at least one-year old. It turns out no job compares to this 24-hour per day job I already have of being a mom to Harlow Jude. I’ll have more freelance jobs here and there I’m sure, but for now I feel pretty lucky to be where I am.