Two Years.Posted: 2013/08/30
There is so much to share with you about our past week with Harlow Jude, but I will wait until Monday to do so.
Two years ago today my mother died. Thus far, it has been the most difficult thing in my entire life. The fact that makes it so much sadder for me is that my life began after she died. Selfishly, I want her here every second of every day, but the big days I want her here even more. When she died, Jacob and I were six weeks away from getting married, and so I called off our wedding. Instead we were married with our immediate family in a location that meant so much to my mother, in fact, the next day we spread her ashes in the same town of Idyllwild. My biggest life changes have happened without her. Sure, it is a testament to what I am able to accomplish on my own and to what Jacob and I can overcome together, as a unit and I am so grateful that I have had Jacob to go through life’s absolute worst with.
It makes me so sad that Harlow Jude will never get to experience who Grandma Elaine is, to never get to be embraced in her wonderful hugs, to never get to laugh at how crazy she is, to never get to hear her beautiful voice, to never get to feel her strong muscles, to never get to feel her abundant love, to never get to share her joy and honesty and sense of humor and passion and love and strength and her everything. We are lucky to have so many people love Harlow Jude, but only my sisters and I know that she will be missing out on a great motherly influence in her life because we could not have asked for a better mother.
And so my life, our life, continues with mom looking down on us, rather than sharing in the experiences with us. There will be so many more huge events and experiences that I will want my mom here for, but now, it is just me being the best mom I can be to Harlow Jude because I had the best example of how to be one.